Why We Only Have One Child--Our Daughter

Do you ever wonder why some people decide to have bigger families and others have smaller ones? I think we all wonder about other people's circumstances and choices. And, for the most part, I don't think we're being judgmental; we're just curious about other people's life circumstances, experiences, and decisions that create the situations they have.

I'm never offended when people are curious about my family's lives. We do things very different than the norm. It's definitely not the norm to move around as much as we have in our fourteen years of marriage. It's not the norm to move across the country because of a prompting (not that others don't get and follow those promptings, but that it's not a something a lot of people do).

I'm definitely not offended when people ask about our family. As stated above, we've been married for fourteen years, and I was a bit older than the typical Utah "Mormon" (member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) bride when I got married--twenty-eight. I'm now forty-two. I had Berkley just before I turned thirty-eight--after almost ten years of infertility. She was our miracle baby.

I get asked a lot when others meet me if I have more kids. I always answer, "No. This is our only one. She is our miracle baby." And they politely nod. And I always wonder what they are wondering.

Well, in case you are wondering, and, I guess, even if you're not, this is why we have only one child.

Why We Have Only One Child--the Story

When I was pregnant with Berkley, I still planned to have more children. Knowing the history of my fertility situation, I asked my OBGYN how soon after Berkley was born we could try for another baby.

However, after Berkley was born, I was not ready.

As you may be aware, before Berkley was born, we started our years journey of financial hardship, moving back and forth between Missouri and Pennsylvania, making big decisions for our family, and just trying to survive. After Berkley was born, I got lost in the new experiences of motherhood while continuing our crazy life of changes and new goals. It seems we were making one big desicion after another. And, although I thought of the possibility of other kids, of getting pregnant again, I didn't want it. Not then. There was too much going on. Too many other stresses that were overwhelming me. And, I was just so very happy with my one child I finally received.

When we moved back to Missouri after our first excursion to Pennsylvania, we thought we would finally be able to settle down. We loved our home and the life we dreamed of there. I started thinking again about having children. We had kept all of Berkley's baby stuff--clothes, toys, bottles, carseat/stroller, etc. It would be so nice to give her a sibling.

I wasn't sure I wanted to get pregnant, though. All I could remember for so long after having Berkley was how uncomfortable I was the entire pregnancy. Part of it was the extreme stress from our situation. But I also injured my groin early pregnancy doing the splits during yoga; and that was extremely painful up until maybe six to eight months after having Berkley. I also had gestational diabetes, which resulted in being induced about a week before my due date. And, I was just uncomfortable.

I know no pregnancy is a walk in the park. Many women complain of the hardships of pregnancy. But many usually remember the wonderful times of pregnancy, such as the kicks and flutters of growing their baby. It's only recently that I've started looking back on my pregnancy with fondness and love for the time I grew Berkley.

I wasn't against getting pregnant again, but it wasn't something I really wanted. I didn't want the uncomfortableness. But I also didn't want to go through the process of disapointment after hoping to be pregnant. That was the hardest part of my infertility journey before Berkley, and I did not wish to ever go through that again.

So Scott and I started talking about adoption again.

We had started the adoption process years ago after we went through three rounds of failed IUI. But we stopped the process when Scott was deployed and other life circumstances forced us to put growing our family on hold.

Maybe we could start the process again, we thought.

When we moved back to Pennsylvania, we truly considered it. Maybe we would do foster to adoption. There are so many kids here that need families. But we weren't ready yet, if that was the right path. We needed to get in a better financial situation, which included Scott finishing school.

As the months went by, my thoughts and feelings started to change.

I recalled a memory one night of a conversation I had with God before getting pregnant with Berkley. At the time I was so frustrated that we were going through so many financial hardships and could only think that our situation was keeping us from growing a family. I told God I just want one baby and I'll be happy.

That memory was so strong as a comfort from God. I had been thinking again about our family situation and wondering how we would have more children if we were still not in a good place to be able to afford adoption. I truly felt like God was telling me everything was just fine the way it was. We got Berkley. He gave us the one we asked for.

Although this memory felt like a comfort and answer from God, it didn't keep me from wondering if we were making the right decision not to grow our family.

In the October 2025 General Conference for our church, President Oaks talked about the importance to procreation and childbearing. He specifically mentioned birthrates. After hearing his talk I questioned our decision to not have more children.

But the more I thought about it, the more I understood we are the exception. (I saw a wonderful old talk on this from President Oaks but can't seem to find it now. )

Over the months, I have felt comfort in knowing that having children is important to God's plan for His children, for families, and exaltation. And I received comfort as God showed me that His plans for His children are individual.

Sarah, Abraham's wife, only had one child. Rebekah, Isaac's wife, only had two children.

But, perhaps the most comforting tender mercy I have received from the Lord came from an experience tonight.

I was listening to an LDS influencer respond to an "ex-Mormon" influencer. I don't recall exactly what the clip was addressing, but one thing the LDS influencer said struck me. It was something I didn't know I needed to hear. She said that some of the apostles have many children. And some not so many, including Elder Renlund who has one daughter.

I looked into it with a quick Google search and learned he and his wife have their particular reasons for not having more children.

And so do I.

What a journey this fertility experience has been. So many deep emotions. So many wonderings and questions.

I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I'm open to whatever the Lord sends my way. But I have realized that it's time to be happy and okay with the family that I have. I don't want to be so stuck on the "what-ifs" that I don't enjoy what I have. And what I have is incredible, amazing, and heavenly.