I love all things creative. So why couldn’t I do what KreatNou was doing, but as Sara Ann Comte? The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.
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KreatNou failed. It didn’t work. How could I continue with something that clearly wouldn’t succeed?
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But then what? What do I focus on?
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Identity Crisis
I bought a blog course. After a lot of thought about what I want to do—I considered doing an MLM, freelance writing, web design for others—I settled on blogging. It’s what I love. It included the thing I went to school for. It’s something I know how to do. It’s something I feel I can do.
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And then the course started with “niche down.” What? I have to pick a very specific topic? One that is searchable.
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I know this, of course. I worked in marketing for over a decade. I know all too well the importance of SEO. But when it comes to self-branding and promotion, I had no idea how to handle any of the stuff I’ve practiced for years. That would require putting myself out there, letting the world see me, being vulnerable. And I am not good at that. Hiding—I got that down. I don’t let a log of people in. I want to, but what parts do I let people see? This may be one of the reasons I’ve struggled with a consistent blog for so many years.
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And how do I deal with the judgement? It’s the dilemma I’ve struggled with since forever—before social media. I was quiet in school because of fear of judgement. I didn’t let a lot of people see the “quirky Sara” as my husband likes to call me.
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But if I had to niche down, I needed to get more specific about what it is I love, know, think about that I also want to share with others. What is that? Not creativity. That failed. Self-love? I like following others who talk about self-love. Maybe I can do that too.
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So I rebranded my entire website to be about self-love and to include my affirmation, “I am beautiful. I am strong. I can be and do anything.”
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I created categories for yoga and life and style and my writing. I started writing blog posts and focused on affiliates and possible affiliates that fit these themes. I planned. I created. I was doing it. Wasn’t I?
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But it didn’t feel right. Something was off.
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And in the midst of all of this, I was dealing with fear of our financial situation and pregnancy.
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Pregnancy
My pregnancy was a miracle. Scott and I had been trying for nearly nine years. We had worked with an infertility specialist and had all the tests. Finally, after a laparoscopy, the doctor discovered I have endometriosis. Some women with endometriosis can get pregnant, no problem. For others, like me, it is a struggle.
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I was about 30 at the time, and because of my age, the doctor suggested we do IUI right away. We tried three times, and it failed three times. Our next option was in-vitro. I was skeptical about this option for personal reasons. We decided to try adoption, and we were so close to finishing our home study when we had to stop because of big life changes. I won’t go into the whole story here. Suffice it to say we tried to grow a family and things didn’t work out for us.
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Then, the miracle. I was pregnant! And I was so excited. We’d been waiting so long. I wanted this. But why did it happen now, when our finances were the worst they’d ever been, when we were going through the greatest struggle and trial?
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I struggled with my emotions a lot. And I’m sure very few people knew. Scott knew, of course. My parents knew a little. My mom was worried about the stress I was putting on the baby. And then I was stressed about that too.
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Downward spiral.
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It was horrible. And I needed to stop. It wasn’t helping our finances. It wasn’t helping our marriage. And it wasn’t helping me grow a healthy baby.
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Overcoming Fear
Over the last year and a half, I have had very little control over my life. It seemed that any hope we had of things changing soon, quickly vanished. Anything we tried at the suggestion of others, didn’t work out. And not feeling in control is the worst.
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So what could I do?
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I turned to journaling. I’m not talking about “Dear Diary” or “Today I did this …” kind of journaling. My journaling was all about gratitude, affirmations, and manifestations.
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Each day, I’d write five things I was grateful for. Then I’d write my affirmations and manifestations. It looked something like:
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Today I Am Thankfuln
I am thankful for the sun shining through the bay window.
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I am thankful Scott has a job.
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I am thankful for this baby growing inside me.
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I am thankful for the clothes that fit my growing belly.
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I am thankful for the delicious and healthy breakfast I had this morning.
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Affirmations and Manifestationsn
I am a loving and supportive wife.
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I am growing a strong and healthy baby.
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I am a successful and talented writer.
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I make $1000 a month.
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Scott makes $— in a job he loves.
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Scott and I have an abundance of money that allows us to provide for our needs, live our dreams, and help others.
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I am beautiful. I am strong. I can be and do anything.
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I am a child of God.
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I let God prevail in my life.
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It was simple. I wrote similar to this everyday in a notebook. And it worked.
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I had bad days, for sure. But for the most part, I was able to be more positive when I focused on journaling. The gratitude helped me see the good I had in my life. The affirmations helped me recognize my divine nature. And the manifestations gave me hope for the future.
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And all of this, this crazy long story, has led to “Live. Grow. Play. Create.” I’ll show you in the next post.
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Have you missed any part of this story?
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