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6+ Months of No Scott

Jun 22, 2021

Remember that time Scott was gone for more than six months?

Oh, I do.

It was hard. But it was also a great time to reset.

No Stranger to Military Duty

Scott is in the Air Force National Guard. He’s been in the military since before we got married, about eight years now (when I originally wrote the post). He was first in the reserves in Washington, but he switched to the guard when we moved back to Utah. And he switched careers, from medical to IT security/communications. Because of this craziness, he didn’t have his first deployment until last November.

We have had our craziness with military life, though. Scott was in basic and training while we dated. And he was in his career training when we got married. So, he flew home for a weekend, we got hitched, and he flew back to training. We met up three weeks later in California where he had more training and I lived in a hotel for a month and a half.

And then he switched careers when we moved back to Utah. For his new training, he went to Mississippi for six months while I stayed in Utah to keep my job. During this time I visited him every couple of months and we had a blast discovering new beaches.

So, yeah, we’re not strangers to military duty. It’s been our whole marriage.

No Scott Equals Hard Knock Life

So, why was this deployment so hard?

Remember that time I had really bad anxiety and quit my job? Then we sold our house? And we put adoption on hold, moved in with my parents, and quit our business ventures? All that happened just a few months before Scott left—a year ago now (again, when I originally wrote this post in 2019). And even though I was working to come down from my anxiety high (or low… depends on how you look it, I guess), I didn’t do a lot of relaxing. We had a house to pack up and sell. I had young women’s camp to run. Scott found some temporary work with his unit. We worked to shut down our business. There was a lot going on.

Plus, there’s the whole Scott being my best friend, the guy I go to for everything, my number-one support, my motivation, my comfort.

During Scott’s deployment, I was lonely, healing, and trying to figure out what I should do with my life.

Plus, his deployment was over Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary—all days I wanted to spend with him, doing our usual random thing.

Scott’s Deployment Equals Time

Time is perceived as a scary thing. There’s not enough of it. It’s not passing fast enough.

While Scott was deployed, I wanted time to go fast but slow. I wanted to be with him, but I also wanted to make sure we both accomplished some important things during this time.

Back to the time I quit my job because of anxiety: Scott and I decided we need to reset. We were living the life we thought we were supposed to be living, not the life we really truly wanted to live. We weren’t happy with what we were doing. So, we needed to figure out what we really wanted and work toward that goal.

For Scott, this meant getting his degree. He had been so close to getting his Associate’s degree for years, but something else always put it off. Scott decided he would take the last few classes he needed to get his degree.

For me, this meant really working on my writing career. Being an author has been my biggest dream since forever. Even though I studied creative writing in college, even though I dabbled in writing here and there, even though I self-published a book (Brita On Fire, Book 1), I felt so far away from that dream. Too often I let other things distract me—getting that promotion at work, letting my self-doubt overpower my will, all that stuff. So, my goal was to finish the first draft of a major book I’ve had in my heart and mind for years.

And guess what! Scott got his degree and I finished that first draft.

Hard but Worth It

Scott’s deployment was so, so hard. Even though we talked morning and night—thanks internet—being away from each other just plain sucked.

But we needed that time. I needed the time to heal. I needed that time to be okay not having a traditional job and letting Scott and my family take care of me. I needed the time to dedicate myself to my true dream. And Scott needed the time to get his degree and think about what he really wants to do with his life, career, all that stuff.

I am so grateful for my amazing, wonderful husband and what he does for our family of two and our future family of more. It’s so easy to get caught up in what the Joneses (haha, I’m related to Joneses) are doing and compare their lives to ours. But what truly matters is what we really want out of our own lives.

That’s what Scott and I are working on now. We’re still figuring out a lot of things. We have a lot to work on. But we are happier. That’s what matters.

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